Regret
by XxMiseryxIsxMyxMasterxX
Summary: AU sort of :: JoshNeku :: He was told he was crazy, seeing hallucinations of that man every day, every minute. And maybe the only thing keeping him feeling normal, was the brunet who came to visit him everyday. ::char. death. mild violence. light yaoi.


"Joshua, you have a visitor." The blond looked up, a small smile coming to his face as he noticed a brunet standing in the doorway beside the nurse. "You have twenty minutes." With that, the nurse left, leaving the boys alone.

"Hey, Josh." Joshua jumped off his bed, running over to the older boy and hugging him.

"I didn't think you were gonna come today..." The brunet laughed lightly, running a hand through the small boy's hair, "I promised I wouldn't, didn't I?" Joshua nodded, "Yea... thanks, Neku." He smiled. Everyday, Neku would come to visit him, always alone as no one else cared enough to come. Neku didn't think he was crazy, unlike everyone else. He treated him like he was normal, no different from anyone else, and maybe that was why he liked him so much.

"Heh, no problem." Neku smiled back, kissing Joshua's forehead softly. It hurt, to see his ten-year-old brother stuck here, in the mental ward of the hospital. Yes, Joshua was his _adopted_ brother, but it didn't stop him from loving him. "So, how're you holding up?" He asked and Joshua sighed, letting go of Neku and sitting back down on his bed.

"I... I'm never going to get out of here... Neku, I keep... I always see him, when I'm awake, when I'm sleeping..." Joshua shuddered at the thought of the tall man with the yellow eyes and tan skin... He was always watching, always keeping an eye on him...

Neku sat beside the boy, holding one of his hands loosely. "So you have an active imagination. It doesn't mean you're insane." He smiled, "When I get enough money, I'm getting you out of here. I promise." Joshua giggled and hugged Neku's arm, "Thanks." A kiss was planted on the top of his head, making him smile.

"No problem."

||..::+::+::+::..||

"N-no, get- get away from m-me!" Joshua stuttered, tears streaming down his face as he stared at the wall opposite him. The man just smirked, not saying a word. He never spoke, never. But just the way he was looking at him, was enough to make his heart pound in fear.

He could hear voices near him, but he couldn't see who was talking, all he could see was the man fifteen feet away from him, a gun held in his hand. His eyes widened as the weapon was aimed at him, silent tears flowing freely from his eyes as he watched the trigger begin to be pulled back-

"Joshua, he's not real." He knew that voice, "Come on Josh, it's alright. Nothing's there." A pair of arms wrapped around him, pulling him to someone's chest. He recognized the smell and the touch instantly, gripping the boy's shirt and just _crying_. He was twelve years old and crying like a child, but he didn't care. He felt safe now, and as every second passed in his brother's arms, the man faded away more and more, until he was gone, completely.

"N-Neku, please, d-don't leave me..." Neku smiled faintly,

"Never."

||..::+::+::+::..||

He changed so much in a year, everyone could see that. He never cried anymore, he never screamed, he never begged. He was cocky, self-centered, rude, and selfish, with a smirk that always meant he had you where he wanted you.

"Joshua, you have a visitor."

But there was one one person who he still cared about, one person who'd he always smile for.

"Hey, Joshua." Joshua looked up from the book he was reading and smiled,

"Hello, Neku." The older boy sat beside him, resting his head on Joshua's shoulder and looking at the small print on the pages before him. "What're you reading?" He asked and Joshua gave a small shrug, "I don't know, the cover is damaged and unfortunately, I can't read through ink stains." Neku laughed lightly and Joshua felt his heart rate quicken, just slightly.

Is it wrong to be in love with your brother?

"Not many people can Josh. But is it good at least?" Joshua flipped the page, giving a small sigh, "I suppose. It's better than some things I've read at least." "Want me to bring you some books tomorrow?" Neku brushed Joshua's bangs out his face, and the boy nodded, "I'd appreciate that, since I've run out of books to read." A kiss to his cheek was the response, making Joshua blush.

And he wished it was his lips receiving that kiss.

||..::+::+::+::..||

He escaped, he got out. He found a gun in an alley and took it, deciding to end his. He wasn't crazy, it wasn't his imagination. He wanted this over, to be normal again, to live with his brother again. His feet barely touched the ground as he ran, already knowing where the man would be this time. He knew all of Joshua's feelings, relationships, comforts. And he was targeting the most important one in Joshua's life-

Neku.

It hurt, to see the fear in his brother's eyes when he saw the gun, and it hurt even more as he pulled the trigger to know that to the one person who believed he was normal, probably thought he was insane. The bullet his the man's shoulder and Neku fell to the ground, his head looking over his shoulder to see what Joshua had shot at. He almost wanted to laugh- the look in Neku's eyes said it all.

Joshua wasn't lying.

Another bullet, aimed at him, stopped before it hit him. He would've questioned it, but he was high from adrenaline and the sound of gun shots, and shot again, this time hitting the man's arm. He never thought he'd enjoy seeing blood so much. One more gun shot, aimed at Neku, before the man turned and ran. The bullet missed, but Joshua shot again, not thinking about the risks.

He cried, for the first time in two years as he watched the blood flow freely from the hole in the boy's chest.

He never thought he'd hate seeing blood so much.

||..::+::+::+::..||

It was a miracle, the doctors said, that Neku hadn't died. No one knew who shot the gun and when asked, Neku would say he didn't know, and that he didn't _want_ to know. But he knew, the first time Joshua visited him, he knew. It was easy to figure out, because the first thing Neku told him was,

"I forgive you."

||..::+::+::+::..||

They don't know how it happened, the doctors said, that they hadn't been able to save the boy.

"He's... gone?" Neku has asked, his body feeling numb. He laughed when his question was answered, earning himself odd looks, but he didn't care. His brother was _dead_. The only person who cared about him, was gone, gone forever.

Joshua watched his brother laugh, standing beside his own dead body that lay covered by a thin white sheet. He could hear how hollow that sound was, could see the tears falling and the hurt trying to be hidden behind that pained smile.

"Joshua, come on! We gotta go! The mission is here!" Joshua looked at the kid beside him, Megumi his name was, and nodded. He was a player, and the game needed to be played. With one last glance at the brunet, he ran out of the room, trying his hardest not to cry.

And the only regret he had was never telling his brother three simple words.

_'I love you'_


End file.
